The Darkness

I sit alone, the darkness swallowing me whole. It surrounds me like a suffocating blanket, but I oddly find some comfort in it. It scares people away, leaving me to my thoughts. I don't mind being alone, at first.

But then my thoughts turn against me, calling me useless, a fool. 'You can't just sit there all your life, you're a waste of space, a nothing!' I try to ignore, too used to sitting to do anything else. I convince myself that this is for the best.

Finally, I give in. The thought of supporting myself scares me, but I try to stand. But the darkness only tightens it's grip on me, refusing to yield; refusing to lift. I try to scream, to cry for help, but no sound escapes my throat. The darkness swallows it greedily, my once comfort turned into my worst nightmare.

I curl up, try to pretend that I'm okay, that the darkness and my own berating thoughts are not there. I am drowning, and don't have the energy to try to keep swimming, to keep living. I sit there, willing people to come near, to help me escape. But they cannot see the darkness, they can only sense it. They do not understand what it means, and they do not bother to learn. Why bother to learn something that does not affect you?

So I don't try to fight anymore. I sit there again, lost in my thoughts, feeling apathetic and lonely, because nobody understands.

One day, the darkness lifts, if only a little. I see a tiny white light in the distance; faint but there. I feel it calling to me, willing me to stand and run. I still sit there, refusing to believe it. I'm imagining it, hallucinating. It fades again; the darkness is back. I forget about the tiny light.

But then it comes back, twice as bright, forcing me to look up. The darkness tries its best to drown it, but I can see it. I stand slowly, walking at first, but then running. Faster and faster, I run towards the bright light dancing in my vision.

The darkness gives chase, refusing to give up it's prisoner. The light still seems so far away, but I keep running. The darkness grabs me and pulls me back; but I fight, fight for the light that is in front of me. It grows, the distance shrinks and I feel like I'm almost there. The darkness still surrounds me but I finally find the source of the light.

I hold it, refusing to let go. The darkness tries to tear it from my hands, but I pull back, keeping it close. I know the battle is not over yet, but I have a new weapon. The light stays in my hands as I fall down, sitting once again.

The darkness is not so dark, the light illuminates my surroundings, if only a little. I know in my heart that my journey to eliminate the darkness is long and hard, but I've taken the first steps and must continue.

I wait for a while, keeping the light close to my chest, focusing on it and blocking the darkness out. It warms me, not quite destroying my toxic thoughts, but soothes my soul after. My tears stream down my face as I wonder if this what it feels like to have...hope?

Another light shines through the darkness.

And I run.